Article by Jalen Hines
Do you remember those New Year’s resolutions you swore you would follow through with—but haven’t thought about since early January? As a result, the pressure of avoidance can quietly build and end up weighing you down while internal shame creeps in. It’s a lot.
For those with ADHD, please listen carefully: after weeks of disrupted routine or rest, January shows up uninvited to demand focus, commitment, and fresh starts. The beginning of the month tricks you, and you tell yourself you need to be at your absolute best—or it’s a failure. But this isn’t how it has to be.
Avoiding things you care about—like not following through with your New Year’s resolutions immediately—is not laziness. It’s not a lack of motivation, either. It’s simply the Skip Reflex doing its thing.
The Skip Reflex is your brain protecting your nervous system by saying things like:
- This task is too much. Just do it later.
- This task carries too much emotional weight.
- This task is too hard to start.
- This task requires too much perfection.
Or you might simply be more tired than you’re willing to admit. Whatever it is, that pressure in your nervous system is present, and you wind up skipping planning, regulation, and pacing because your executive functions are overwhelmed. Ultimately, this leads to avoiding the task altogether.
What you need to know is that this is normal—and with awareness, you can discover ways to support yourself.
For example, give yourself more grace and compassion. You need regulation to support your nervous system, and being hard on yourself won’t help. Instead, acknowledge the weary transition January demands of your executive function, recognize that this is nothing to be ashamed of, and don’t overcompensate for feelings you’ve been taught to label as laziness by setting unrealistic expectations. You don’t need rigid New Year’s resolutions to be productive. Instead, take your time and practice patience with yourself.
You can also support yourself by using external resources. I know how hard it can be to ask for help. It can feel shameful, demoralizing, or even immature. You might fear stigma, judgment, or hearing the same advice to “just try harder.” I get it. But just as you offer yourself compassion, you deserve it from others too.
Reach out to people. Talk to loved ones or seek online communities that offer free support. Try body doubling with a friend to get things done. If you’re unfamiliar, body doubling is a productivity technique where you work alongside another person—virtually or in person—to support accountability for tasks you’ve both been avoiding. Click here to read about the top body doubling apps and websites.
And remember: what you’re experiencing is normal.
It’s normal to feel pressure. It’s normal to delay.
Beating yourself up won’t help. Instead, identify the barrier. Rather than asking why you can’t do something, notice where and why your Skip Reflex shows up—and ask what your nervous system needs to feel less pressured and a little safer.
If what you need right now is support—not another resolution—Chaos2Clarity offers a calm, judgment-free space to begin again, slowly and safely.
